Soap is not a condiment
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
