we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
