Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
