Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
