i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want to make out with him forever
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
