babies were throwing up all over the place
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
