"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
