I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
