high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
