we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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