It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
