if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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