I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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