He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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