I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
