Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry smoothbutter01 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.

Fav 12 856 4185
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

Fav 33 7921 1313
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(757): View more from Virginia

Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.

Fav 10 3308 1268
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)

Fav 8 2183 872
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

(850): View more from Florida

This has already gotten way out of hand

Fav 4 1594 886
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.

Fav 1 1128 613
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(283): View more from Ohio

$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

Fav 6 723 1476
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed

Fav 0 187 322
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(845): View more from New York

she wants homewrecking advice

(718): View more from New York

are you gonna teach her your ways?

(845): View more from New York

obvs. i'm like her yoda.

Fav 0 29 40
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT