he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
