In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
