I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
