Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
