This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
