Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
