I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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