So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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