Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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