Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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