My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
