do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
cat food counts as protein by the way
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
