awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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