We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
