I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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