Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pooping to opera.
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