shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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