How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
