I need help removing her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
