Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
