Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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