someone get that fucking seahorse.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
