they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
