I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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