I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
