And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
