My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
