Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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