Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
