Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
