I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
