dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
