2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
