Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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