I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
