Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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