If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
