I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
