I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
